The New Fear of Flying

My first thought after hearing about the thwarted Christmas Day terrorist attack on the Delta flight into Detroit was, “Thank goodness everyone was okay.” My second thought wasn’t quite so full of gratitude as I tried to imagine the new security measures enforced upon us weary travelers. I had no idea how ridiculous they’d become.

Travelers on international flights heading back to the U.S. over the last few days have had their carry-ons limited to one bag. Arriving passengers on flights from the U.K. and France reported that they were told to stay in their seats for the last hour of the flight. They weren’t allowed to have anything in their laps, couldn’t access their carry-on bags or enjoy any in-flight entertainment.

On an hour-long flight from Toronto to New York’s La Guardia Airport, flyers were told that the only thing they could do for the entire flight was to sit in their seats with their hands in plain view. They couldn’t listen to their iPods, work on their computers and, without in-flight entertainment…well, there was nothing they could do but (literally) twiddle their thumbs.

Today, word came that the use of in-flight display maps that showed the status of the flight would be discontinued. I don’t know about you, but that was pretty much the straw that broke my humps.

I get that security needs to be tightened to prevent another in-flight terrorist attack (or attempt thereof). But where the powers-that-be are totally missing the point is that it shouldn’t be in the air. Because if another Amar Farouk Abdulmutallab makes it onto a U.S.-bound flight and tries to blow himself (and the aircraft) up, something is very, very wrong with airport security.

Mr. Abdulmatallab should never have made it onto that Delta flight. I can accept that he wasn’t on any “no fly” list. But it’s been eight years since the 9/11 attacks and since Richard Reid attempted to shoe bomb an American Airlines flight from Paris to Miami (the flight I always take, by the way). So where’s the progress?

Where are all the advanced screening machines that were promised? Turns out they were too expensive, so only a few made it to select U.S. airports. (And I’ve never heard anything about advanced screening technology in any of the international airports I’ve visited over the last few years.) Apparently, human lives aren’t worth the money than the screening machines cost.

Why aren’t their dogs roaming airport terminals sniffing for explosive chemicals? Heck, we could solve two problems at once if we pulled even half the dogs in animal shelters and put them to work in our airports, sticking their noses in people’s crotches looking for things that go “boom.”

Can someone tell me how, for Pete’s sake, discontinuing the flight progress map save lives? Or how keeping people chained to their seats for the last hour will make any difference? Couldn’t a would-be terrorist look out the window and see that the airplane is over land and that there are only 20 minutes left in the flight? (Are they going to take away our watches, too?) Was there some sort of poll that found terrorists prefer to bomb planes in the last hour of flight rather than in the preceding nine hours?

When I’ve flown from Paris to Miami in the past, I considered that ten hour flight to be nothing short of the ninth ring of Hell. It’s a long-ass flight, even with three movies, four meals and the entire Harry Potter book series to read. On my last trip to Miami in early December, I managed to get five hours of sleep and still thought the remaining five hours to be nearly unbearable. So if I’m not allowed to move about for that last hour, I may lose it. Especially after they’ve served the fourth meal and drinks two hours before landing.

Seriously, I really don’t know what I’ll do if I’m only allowed to carry on one small bag. I travel with a very, very expensive camera and laptop, which, in the past, I’ve packed up as my carry on, along with my handbag. I will absolutely, under no circumstances, check my camera and laptop. No how, no way, no sir. And what about people traveling with small dogs? Will Fido have to share space under the seat with wallets, tickets, passports, books and laptops?

I have never needed a valium before I flew overseas, but I think I need one now just thinking about doing it with these new restrictions.

Sound off mes amies. What are your thoughts?

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